(First of all, let me say that I WILL, at some point, continue the 30-day challenge on here. I'm just currently swamped with sooo much school stuff to do that I haven't managed to work on it!)
Here lately, I've been so stressed and worried about getting accepted into graduate programs that I, at one point, could barely function properly. Since I obviously didn't get through on the first round of grad applications, I'm currently trying for three more programs. Honestly, I'm so scared that I won't get in this time, but I do know that God has control. Even though I'm a little more calm now (for the moment, at least), last week was really rough on me about this. I went to one of my research supervisor's office and talked to her about it, hoping for some advice on what to do (which she gave), and I ended up crying about it -- in front of her! Ugh. I don't cry in front of others like that. Thankfully, though, she didn't appear to be put off by my weeping (yes, weeping. lol). She said she only wished she had a tissue for me. XD But she was very encouraging, sweet, and helpful, and although I hated crying in front of her, I really did find that I felt significantly better after talking to her about it.
If I could just get an acceptance to a good Master's program, I can make this work. I can work hard and do well. I can prove myself and then hopefully get the chance to get into a good Ph.D. program after I get my Master's. And where will I go after I get my Master's? Right now, I can be excited about that, because it's in the future, and those possibilities are still endless. My research professor (the one I cried in front of. ha) always tells me how "exciting" of a time this is for me to be applying to programs. Sure, it would be exciting if I weren't so STRESSED about it! That's why I'm taking the opportunity now to be excited about what I don't have to worry about yet.
The thing is... I've been considering the possibility of getting my Master's (wherever and whenever I DO get accepted!) and then applying for a particular doctoral program... in Ireland! Yes, Ireland... I'm so tempted to it right now, though I'm trying to keep it in perspective, because if I happen to get that idea stuck in my head, then I'll find a way to make it happen. I'm not saying that's a bad thing; I mean, I've always been one to "dream big," but again, perspective, perspective, perspective!! My current goal is to just do as well as I possibly can in the Master's program that I do eventually get accepted into and then go with it afterwards if that's still what I want to do. Obviously, just because I apply, it doesn't mean that I'll get accepted, but I could still try. My thinking is that if I thrive being alone at grad school -- far away from close family and friends (until I make new friends, of course) -- then I can go for it. If I'm a little hesitant about it, then, again, I think I'll know what to do.
Keep on keepin' on, my loves. <3
Friday, March 18, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 1
I found this blog challenge that's kind of a mash-up of other blog challenges, and I've decided to give it a try. I'm going to do my very best to update everyday, but if I can't, I'll continue as soon as I can.
Day 01: 15 Facts about Yourself
1. I used to be in marching band throughout middle and high school. My absolute favorite part of that was doing color guard when I was in 11th and 12th grade. I miss twirling that flag!
2. I have so much empathy for some people sometimes that it physically hurts. It's like a blessing and a curse all in one.
3. When I was little, butterflies swarmed me.
4. Because I plan on going to graduate school in the fall but have not yet been accepted anywhere, I literally don't know where I'll be in the matter of a few months. That's one of the strangest feelings ever, but it's exciting as well.
5. Red lipstick is a must.
6. I over-analyze everything.
7. My best friends tend to be much older than I am.
8. I always say that if my life plans fail, I could always just convert to Catholicism and become a nun. The people who know me best know better than to take that as a joke.
9. One of my favorite memories ever is the day that one of my sisters and I met Roma Downey (Monica from Touched by an Angel). It's so strange and amazing to watch her on TBAA now and know that I met her and hugged her, not to mention the fact that she told me “God bless you.”
10. I've been knowing what I want to do when I “grow up” for literally as long as I can remember, and I don't have any doubts about it.
11. I HATE being hot, so I love the cold weather.
12. Up until the last couple of years, I never thought I would want to move out of my home state. Now, however, I feel like it's time for me to do that, and I'm going to be able to accomplish it because of graduate school.
13. I don't really feel comfortable considering myself to be a nice person.
14. I feel like Taylor Swift often writes songs about my life.
15. Some of the best things that have happened to me in my life was when God chose NOT to give me what I wanted, because I now know how much He was (and is) protecting me.
Day 01: 15 Facts about Yourself
1. I used to be in marching band throughout middle and high school. My absolute favorite part of that was doing color guard when I was in 11th and 12th grade. I miss twirling that flag!
2. I have so much empathy for some people sometimes that it physically hurts. It's like a blessing and a curse all in one.
3. When I was little, butterflies swarmed me.
4. Because I plan on going to graduate school in the fall but have not yet been accepted anywhere, I literally don't know where I'll be in the matter of a few months. That's one of the strangest feelings ever, but it's exciting as well.
5. Red lipstick is a must.
6. I over-analyze everything.
7. My best friends tend to be much older than I am.
8. I always say that if my life plans fail, I could always just convert to Catholicism and become a nun. The people who know me best know better than to take that as a joke.
9. One of my favorite memories ever is the day that one of my sisters and I met Roma Downey (Monica from Touched by an Angel). It's so strange and amazing to watch her on TBAA now and know that I met her and hugged her, not to mention the fact that she told me “God bless you.”
10. I've been knowing what I want to do when I “grow up” for literally as long as I can remember, and I don't have any doubts about it.
11. I HATE being hot, so I love the cold weather.
12. Up until the last couple of years, I never thought I would want to move out of my home state. Now, however, I feel like it's time for me to do that, and I'm going to be able to accomplish it because of graduate school.
13. I don't really feel comfortable considering myself to be a nice person.
14. I feel like Taylor Swift often writes songs about my life.
15. Some of the best things that have happened to me in my life was when God chose NOT to give me what I wanted, because I now know how much He was (and is) protecting me.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Just a Short Rant
"You're mean but I like you anyways."
1) You missed a comma there.
2) "Anyways" is NOT a word. It's "anyway."
3) He's also having sex with other guys and probably stringing along at least one other girl behind your back.
Enjoy yo' life, baby girl. ;)
1) You missed a comma there.
2) "Anyways" is NOT a word. It's "anyway."
3) He's also having sex with other guys and probably stringing along at least one other girl behind your back.
Enjoy yo' life, baby girl. ;)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Some of My Thoughts About John Dye...
I can't even begin to say how deeply affected I was by John Dye's death. I recently read a press article stating that he died on Monday but that the news wasn't available to the public until Friday. That's not entirely true, however, because I heard the news on Tuesday morning. Growing up just a little over an hour away from his hometown, we heard the news locally fairly quickly. I was stunned. I was literally shaking for awhile. I couldn't have ever imagined that a celebrity's death would ever effect me that much, but his did. Like many people my age, I grew up watching Touched by an Angel with my grandparents. I still remember the very first time he was on the show. I had to have only been about 5 or 6 at the time, but I still remember my grandmother saying "That's John Dye. He's from Amory!" Wow, Amory. I went there all the time. haha. I guess I just instantly felt connected to him. He was my first crush -- a crush on an angel, just imagine. :) But John's portrayal of the angel Andrew was far more than acting; it was from his heart. I heard that stated so many times at his memorial service this Saturday.
One of my sisters and I decided to drive to Amory to attend John's memorial service because we knew it would be an experience that we'd never forget. How many people can say that they went to a celebrity's funeral service, after all? Not many that I know. Also, while I didn't know John or his family personally, I know several people who did. For example, a former high school English teacher of mine taught him in 10th grade the first year she taught school, and she still remembers where he sat in the class. There were times when I felt that almost everyone I knew had known John, EXCEPT me! :) The tributes to John at the service were so touching. Many of them brought tears to my eyes. You could just tell that everyone who knew John was touched by him. The look on Roma Downey's face at the service still makes me so sad, because you could tell that she was hurting so much over the loss of John.
I hope, and believe, that John is in the presence of God right now, and that John knows all the love and peace that he gave so many people -- people that he knew personally and people that he didn't -- but most of all, I hope he feels the pure, unconditional, eternal love and peace of God. R.I.P., John Dye. You are greatly missed.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Review of The Secrets Beneath
Bekah Yoder is a curious yet well-meaning Amish girl living in Middlefield. Her story here begins when she sees a stranger poking around the deserted house next door. Then, Bekah's sister Amanda comes to live with her and her family for the school-year, yet Bekah's parents will not tell her why. Bekah tries desperately to pry Amanda out of her shell as well as to resist her nosiness about the stranger next door. Bekah's curiosity eventually gets the best of her, however, putting her in serious danger. Fans of mystery should really enjoy this story.
The very first words I read upon opening this book was the author's dedication at the beginning: “To tweens and teens everywhere.” Since I am neither, I initially wondered if the book would be able to keep my attention the whole way through. My second hesitation was when I saw the list of Amish words to refer to from the text of the book; did I really want to have to keep referring to a list at the beginning of the book to understand the story? Thankfully, however, my fears were quickly allayed. The book definitely kept my attention all throughout the story, and the Amish words were easy enough to understand and clear enough in context that I rarely ever had to look back at the list. This was a wonderful book, and I feel that it's great for all ages, not just for the target “tweens and teens” audience.
I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as a part of their book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.
The very first words I read upon opening this book was the author's dedication at the beginning: “To tweens and teens everywhere.” Since I am neither, I initially wondered if the book would be able to keep my attention the whole way through. My second hesitation was when I saw the list of Amish words to refer to from the text of the book; did I really want to have to keep referring to a list at the beginning of the book to understand the story? Thankfully, however, my fears were quickly allayed. The book definitely kept my attention all throughout the story, and the Amish words were easy enough to understand and clear enough in context that I rarely ever had to look back at the list. This was a wonderful book, and I feel that it's great for all ages, not just for the target “tweens and teens” audience.
I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as a part of their book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.
Friday, December 31, 2010
& Sometimes I'm Scared Like a Child...
Let me take a moment to be honest here... as 2010 ends and 2011 begins, I am scared to death. What am I afraid of, you ask? I'm terrified, TERRIFIED that I won't be accepted into a graduate program for this coming fall semester. I recently applied to seven Ph.D. programs and one Masters program in clinical psychology, and my entire soul resounds with the constant desire to be accepted into one, JUST ONE!!, program. My first choice is the Master's program. It's in Colorado, and I want to go there so badly I can taste it. People tell me not to worry, that I'll be fine, but I'm so sick of hearing that, because it's not necessarily true. It's more difficult to get into a Ph.D. program in clinical psychology than it is to get into MEDICAL school. The odds are against me. My GPA could be better, and my GRE scores are pretty terrible. There's nothing more I can do. But, I've already begun getting ready to consider applying to other psychology Master's programs with later application deadlines if I don't get into any of the ones I've already applied to. I don't want it to come to that, but I'll do just about anything it takes to get in. Oh, if only it were possible that wanting, praying, wishing, and hoping hard enough would get me in!! I knew that the waiting process to be called for interviews would be difficult, but what makes it worse is the fact that I have NO idea when to expect the interview calls! How long will I have to wait?!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
This is What I Call My Therapy
Every now and then, I feel the urge to just write out what I wish other people knew. I don't say their names -- just how I feel. It's been awhile since I've done this, and with everything changing and getting ready to change lately, I feel the need to do it again. Let's go...
1) I'm going to miss you so incredibly much. There are simply no words to describe it. I'm going to miss your pure, innocent smile, the way you lit up the entire room you were in, the way you held my hand, the way you depended on me so very much... I wonder if you think of me. I wonder if you'll forget me. I definitely won't forget you. God has allowed you to touch my life so deeply that you'll probably always be a part of my understanding of myself and the world around me, despite the fact that I only knew you for such a short time.
2) You could make me laugh like no one else. The simple way that you saw the world opened my eyes and my heart. I love that little half-smile of yours whenever you were joking. I love the way you said my name and even those little weird names you called me. You'll always be a part of me too, and I miss you so very much. Don't forget me, please?
3) Wow. You and I have had so much fun together. If we ever wrote that book that you and I were talking about, I know it would already be past 500 pages. When I think back to how it all started, it seems like such a random event that put us together in an unexpected circumstance, but I know that was God's Hand in our lives all along. We needed each other, and I didn't realize how much. I literally, honestly don't know what I'd do or who I'd be without you in my life. I am so thankful for you. Our time together will soon draw to a close, and I don't know what we'll do then! But I don't want to think about that right now. We have way too many more fun times to have before then. Here's to many more memories ahead!
4) I wonder how often you think of me. How did we ever get so close? You are definitely one of the most special people I've ever met in my entire life, and I love for everyone to know how good of friends we are. You're like a mother to me. I think of you often because you're such a huge part of my life. You've impacted me in so many ways. I hope I have children some day and they can meet you and know how truly amazing you are. You'll be in my heart forever. I miss you and hope to see you soon.
5) Until very recently, I would never have expected that you would grow to be a part of my life. You're... different, but the more I get to know you, the more I realize that I think you and I are extremely compatible. You're like me in that you seem a bit "scary" (for lack of a better word) or at least "stand-offish" at first, but then once people get to know us, they get to know our hearts. I don't know what role you're going to play in my near future, but I feel that you and I are meant to be close. I feel God telling me that I need you and you need me, though I don't know why as of yet. It's as if God is telling me to get as close to you as I can right now because something important needs to happen; that's why I approached you the way I did and when I did. I can't wait to see where our relationship will go.
6) I wish you were man enough to stand in front of me and tell me how you've felt all this time. I want to know all the lies and the truths. They may have been able to tear me to shreds before, but things are different now. I know more about this than you realize, and while I don't hate you, it's so hard to fight negative feelings towards you. A part of me still wants you in my life, but I really feel that it's just because I wanted you for so long. For quite sometime, I didn't know how to be me without you. Now I do, and I'm happy. It's so funny that I wished and prayed for you for so very long. I thought that I lost the battle, but no. That was God protecting me from you. Wow. The thought of that is absolutely astounding. If I had gotten what I wanted, it could have destroyed me, but God saw it fit not to give me what I asked for because He knew what was best for me -- and after all this time, it wasn't you...
I'm sure I'll do more of these later. I really enjoyed it, and I feel better now!
1) I'm going to miss you so incredibly much. There are simply no words to describe it. I'm going to miss your pure, innocent smile, the way you lit up the entire room you were in, the way you held my hand, the way you depended on me so very much... I wonder if you think of me. I wonder if you'll forget me. I definitely won't forget you. God has allowed you to touch my life so deeply that you'll probably always be a part of my understanding of myself and the world around me, despite the fact that I only knew you for such a short time.
2) You could make me laugh like no one else. The simple way that you saw the world opened my eyes and my heart. I love that little half-smile of yours whenever you were joking. I love the way you said my name and even those little weird names you called me. You'll always be a part of me too, and I miss you so very much. Don't forget me, please?
3) Wow. You and I have had so much fun together. If we ever wrote that book that you and I were talking about, I know it would already be past 500 pages. When I think back to how it all started, it seems like such a random event that put us together in an unexpected circumstance, but I know that was God's Hand in our lives all along. We needed each other, and I didn't realize how much. I literally, honestly don't know what I'd do or who I'd be without you in my life. I am so thankful for you. Our time together will soon draw to a close, and I don't know what we'll do then! But I don't want to think about that right now. We have way too many more fun times to have before then. Here's to many more memories ahead!
4) I wonder how often you think of me. How did we ever get so close? You are definitely one of the most special people I've ever met in my entire life, and I love for everyone to know how good of friends we are. You're like a mother to me. I think of you often because you're such a huge part of my life. You've impacted me in so many ways. I hope I have children some day and they can meet you and know how truly amazing you are. You'll be in my heart forever. I miss you and hope to see you soon.
5) Until very recently, I would never have expected that you would grow to be a part of my life. You're... different, but the more I get to know you, the more I realize that I think you and I are extremely compatible. You're like me in that you seem a bit "scary" (for lack of a better word) or at least "stand-offish" at first, but then once people get to know us, they get to know our hearts. I don't know what role you're going to play in my near future, but I feel that you and I are meant to be close. I feel God telling me that I need you and you need me, though I don't know why as of yet. It's as if God is telling me to get as close to you as I can right now because something important needs to happen; that's why I approached you the way I did and when I did. I can't wait to see where our relationship will go.
6) I wish you were man enough to stand in front of me and tell me how you've felt all this time. I want to know all the lies and the truths. They may have been able to tear me to shreds before, but things are different now. I know more about this than you realize, and while I don't hate you, it's so hard to fight negative feelings towards you. A part of me still wants you in my life, but I really feel that it's just because I wanted you for so long. For quite sometime, I didn't know how to be me without you. Now I do, and I'm happy. It's so funny that I wished and prayed for you for so very long. I thought that I lost the battle, but no. That was God protecting me from you. Wow. The thought of that is absolutely astounding. If I had gotten what I wanted, it could have destroyed me, but God saw it fit not to give me what I asked for because He knew what was best for me -- and after all this time, it wasn't you...
I'm sure I'll do more of these later. I really enjoyed it, and I feel better now!
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