What is This Feeling??

(First of all, let me say that I WILL, at some point, continue the 30-day challenge on here. I'm just currently swamped with sooo much school stuff to do that I haven't managed to work on it!)

Here lately, I've been so stressed and worried about getting accepted into graduate programs that I, at one point, could barely function properly. Since I obviously didn't get through on the first round of grad applications, I'm currently trying for three more programs. Honestly, I'm so scared that I won't get in this time, but I do know that God has control. Even though I'm a little more calm now (for the moment, at least), last week was really rough on me about this. I went to one of my research supervisor's office and talked to her about it, hoping for some advice on what to do (which she gave), and I ended up crying about it -- in front of her! Ugh. I don't cry in front of others like that. Thankfully, though, she didn't appear to be put off by my weeping (yes, weeping. lol). She said she only wished she had a tissue for me. XD But she was very encouraging, sweet, and helpful, and although I hated crying in front of her, I really did find that I felt significantly better after talking to her about it.

If I could just get an acceptance to a good Master's program, I can make this work. I can work hard and do well. I can prove myself and then hopefully get the chance to get into a good Ph.D. program after I get my Master's. And where will I go after I get my Master's? Right now, I can be excited about that, because it's in the future, and those possibilities are still endless. My research professor (the one I cried in front of. ha) always tells me how "exciting" of a time this is for me to be applying to programs. Sure, it would be exciting if I weren't so STRESSED about it! That's why I'm taking the opportunity now to be excited about what I don't have to worry about yet.

The thing is... I've been considering the possibility of getting my Master's (wherever and whenever I DO get accepted!) and then applying for a particular doctoral program... in Ireland! Yes, Ireland... I'm so tempted to it right now, though I'm trying to keep it in perspective, because if I happen to get that idea stuck in my head, then I'll find a way to make it happen. I'm not saying that's a bad thing; I mean, I've always been one to "dream big," but again, perspective, perspective, perspective!! My current goal is to just do as well as I possibly can in the Master's program that I do eventually get accepted into and then go with it afterwards if that's still what I want to do. Obviously, just because I apply, it doesn't mean that I'll get accepted, but I could still try. My thinking is that if I thrive being alone at grad school -- far away from close family and friends (until I make new friends, of course) -- then I can go for it. If I'm a little hesitant about it, then, again, I think I'll know what to do.

Keep on keepin' on, my loves. <3