& Sometimes I'm Scared Like a Child...

Let me take a moment to be honest here... as 2010 ends and 2011 begins, I am scared to death. What am I afraid of, you ask? I'm terrified, TERRIFIED that I won't be accepted into a graduate program for this coming fall semester. I recently applied to seven Ph.D. programs and one Masters program in clinical psychology, and my entire soul resounds with the constant desire to be accepted into one, JUST ONE!!, program. My first choice is the Master's program. It's in Colorado, and I want to go there so badly I can taste it. People tell me not to worry, that I'll be fine, but I'm so sick of hearing that, because it's not necessarily true. It's more difficult to get into a Ph.D. program in clinical psychology than it is to get into MEDICAL school. The odds are against me. My GPA could be better, and my GRE scores are pretty terrible. There's nothing more I can do. But, I've already begun getting ready to consider applying to other psychology Master's programs with later application deadlines if I don't get into any of the ones I've already applied to. I don't want it to come to that, but I'll do just about anything it takes to get in. Oh, if only it were possible that wanting, praying, wishing, and hoping hard enough would get me in!! I knew that the waiting process to be called for interviews would be difficult, but what makes it worse is the fact that I have NO idea when to expect the interview calls! How long will I have to wait?!

This is What I Call My Therapy

Every now and then, I feel the urge to just write out what I wish other people knew. I don't say their names -- just how I feel. It's been awhile since I've done this, and with everything changing and getting ready to change lately, I feel the need to do it again. Let's go...

1) I'm going to miss you so incredibly much. There are simply no words to describe it. I'm going to miss your pure, innocent smile, the way you lit up the entire room you were in, the way you held my hand, the way you depended on me so very much... I wonder if you think of me. I wonder if you'll forget me. I definitely won't forget you. God has allowed you to touch my life so deeply that you'll probably always be a part of my understanding of myself and the world around me, despite the fact that I only knew you for such a short time.

2) You could make me laugh like no one else. The simple way that you saw the world opened my eyes and my heart. I love that little half-smile of yours whenever you were joking. I love the way you said my name and even those little weird names you called me. You'll always be a part of me too, and I miss you so very much. Don't forget me, please?

3) Wow. You and I have had so much fun together. If we ever wrote that book that you and I were talking about, I know it would already be past 500 pages. When I think back to how it all started, it seems like such a random event that put us together in an unexpected circumstance, but I know that was God's Hand in our lives all along. We needed each other, and I didn't realize how much. I literally, honestly don't know what I'd do or who I'd be without you in my life. I am so thankful for you. Our time together will soon draw to a close, and I don't know what we'll do then! But I don't want to think about that right now. We have way too many more fun times to have before then. Here's to many more memories ahead!

4) I wonder how often you think of me. How did we ever get so close? You are definitely one of the most special people I've ever met in my entire life, and I love for everyone to know how good of friends we are. You're like a mother to me. I think of you often because you're such a huge part of my life. You've impacted me in so many ways. I hope I have children some day and they can meet you and know how truly amazing you are. You'll be in my heart forever. I miss you and hope to see you soon.

5) Until very recently, I would never have expected that you would grow to be a part of my life. You're... different, but the more I get to know you, the more I realize that I think you and I are extremely compatible. You're like me in that you seem a bit "scary" (for lack of a better word) or at least "stand-offish" at first, but then once people get to know us, they get to know our hearts. I don't know what role you're going to play in my near future, but I feel that you and I are meant to be close. I feel God telling me that I need you and you need me, though I don't know why as of yet. It's as if God is telling me to get as close to you as I can right now because something important needs to happen; that's why I approached you the way I did and when I did. I can't wait to see where our relationship will go.

6) I wish you were man enough to stand in front of me and tell me how you've felt all this time. I want to know all the lies and the truths. They may have been able to tear me to shreds before, but things are different now. I know more about this than you realize, and while I don't hate you, it's so hard to fight negative feelings towards you. A part of me still wants you in my life, but I really feel that it's just because I wanted you for so long. For quite sometime, I didn't know how to be me without you. Now I do, and I'm happy. It's so funny that I wished and prayed for you for so very long. I thought that I lost the battle, but no. That was God protecting me from you. Wow. The thought of that is absolutely astounding. If I had gotten what I wanted, it could have destroyed me, but God saw it fit not to give me what I asked for because He knew what was best for me -- and after all this time, it wasn't you...


I'm sure I'll do more of these later. I really enjoyed it, and I feel better now!

Review of Love's First Bloom

Ruth Livingstone's life is quickly turned upside down when her father, Reverend Livingstone, is accused of murder and must stand trial. To protect Ruth, he sends her with a young child to a family in a different state. Tragedy soon strikes, and Ruth must keep her assumed identity. While Ruth seeks peace attending to an abandoned garden, she meets Jake Spencer, a man with an ulterior motive altogether. Ruth and Jake's twists of lies are difficult to untangle, even as love slowly begins to blosom between the two.

Love's First Bloom is a very enjoyable story that I believe develops quite well. Delia Parr's descriptions paired with the plotline are quite lovely in themselves. I found myself not wanting to put this book down and looking forward how the story would unfold. My only complaint is that I very quickly grew tired of the term “fallen angels” being used over and over...

I received this book for free from Bethany House Publishers as a part of their book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.

Review of Heaven is for Real

Colton Burpo is one extraordinary little boy. During an emergency appendectomy that he is not predicted to survive, Colton gets to visit heaven, see Jesus, and even converse with people like his great-grandfather, who had died long before Colton was born. His details of heaven, and especially of Jesus, were amazing.

I'm usually a bit wary of claims of experiences such as this, but this story definitely passed my test. Some “experiences” only confuse and scare readers, and as the Bible says, “God is love” and “There is no fear in love.” This book is not confusing or scary; it's actually the opposite! This was a refreshing, revitalizing read that brought me both laughter and tears. I finished reading this book in less than a full day because I literally didn't want to put it down. I kept having the desire to hear the blessing of Colton tell his story in person.

I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as a part of their book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.

I Don't Know Who I Am, Who I Am Without You; All I Know is That I Should

Life... Oh, if life had a rewind button! But alas, it doesn't, and we're stuck with our decisions. I can't go back a year and a half ago and tell him what I waited about two months too long to him. I can't make him change that either. I blame myself more than I blame him, in a way, even though we were equally at fault. I can't pretend that this whole situation hasn't put me in the most emotional pain that I've ever experienced. I can't even make hurting him make me feel any better about my situation. I certainly can't make him fight for me -- especially not with her there. What scares me is that I thought I was done hurting over this. I realize that I have to admit that I, despite everything, deep down still have feelings for him... feelings I don't want... feelings I would erase if I could. Do I love him? I don't know... I'm afraid to answer that question; I'm afraid that the answer would shake up everything I've always believed to be true about myself and about love. I can't face this right now. I don't anticipate falling for anyone else this hard again, because it hurts, way more than it should.

Review of Masquerade

The year is 1886, and Charlotte, “Lottie,” Gleason is leaving her life in England to marry a wealthy heir from America, whom she has never met. In her journey to find herself and mature, Lottie's life is changed in numerous ways, most notably when she decides to exchange identities with her lady maid, Dora. Both women must trust God to give them strength and to be a guide in their paths.

Though I can't explain why, I've always been interested in servants finding love with the higher class, and I assume that that is what drew me to this book in the first place. Nancy Moser has done a wonderful job of exploring the lavish Gilded Age, and once I started reading this story, I found that I didn't want to stop! I liked that Lottie was flawed but not in the sense that it appears the author made a noticeable effort to make the main character imperfect. This was a lovely book by Nancy Moser, and I would love to read more from her in the future.

I received this book for free from Bethany House Publishers as a part of their book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.

Review of Where Hearts Are Free

Bridget Barrington is a young girl who is desperately in love with Philippe Clavell, a former French noble who became an indentured servant following hardships he and his family faced upon escaping to the New World. Because of their various differences, including the fact that Philippe is a Huguenot and Bridget is Catholic, Bridget's parents refuse to allow the two to be together. Once Philippe is released from his service, Bridget's parents quickly arrange for her to be married to Edward Moorehead, but Edward is far from who he seems to be. Both Bridget and Philippe must trust God to make a way for them. This book is book three in Golden Keyes Parsons' “Darkness to Light” trilogy. Though I have not read books one and two, my understanding of this novel was not at all compromised. It's a great stand-alone book, though I am sure that, if this book was any indication, the entire series would be a wonderful read. This was an excellent book, and I tend to be pretty picky when it comes to this particular genre! I didn't find any of the characters to be obviously fake or annoying, so that was very refreshing. “Where Hearts Are Free” is a book I didn't want to put down, and I'd love to read more from this author in the future. I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as a part of their book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.

Review of Outlive Your Life by Max Lucado

Being immediately drawn to Max Lucado's idea of “outliving your life,” I was excited about reading this book. To my delight, it even exceeded my high expectations. Seriously, how wonderful would it be if we Christians shared the love and glory of Jesus Christ in our lifetime so that that message would blossom and grow in other people's lives even beyond our own lives? If more Christians would live their lives this way, the world as we know it would undergo a change for the better. This is my first book of Lucado's that I have read, and I love his writing style and inspiring viewpoints. I found myself looking forward to the selected Scriptures and directed prayers at the end of each chapter. The more I read of this book, the more absorbed I became in it, and I definitely didn't want to put it down! I've already been recommending this book to others, and I would love to read more of Lucado's works in the future. I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as a part of their book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.

My Favorite Television Shows... & Why

I just wanted to do a little blog post about my favorite T.V. shows and why I like them so much. Consider this to be in order of preference, too.


#1: Touched by an Angel



Gahh, I LOVE this show! There aren't many shows out there that explicitly share the message of God and His infinite love like this one does. When I'm having a bad day or just a hard time in my life in general, I like to pop in one of the DVDs into my DVD player and allow the show to uplift me. Plus, Andrew is sooo handsome and sweet, and Monica is gorgeous and freakin' adorable. I think the major reason I love Monica so much is because she's pretty much everything I want to be, all wrapped into one. I guess that shows how lofty my goals are, though, since it takes an angel to be that way. :) I remember watching this show with my grandparents when I was a wee one, and several of the episodes stuck with me through the years. I have so many "favorite" episodes of this show, but one that sticks out to me is "Seek & Ye Shall Find." This particular episode takes place in Mississippi, yet they DON'T portray us as being complete idiots (which is so rare -- but with John Dye, who plays Andrew, being from MS too, I don't think they'd do that anyway). Also, the stunningly beautiful lilt of Monica's Irish brogue carressing the word "Tupelo" (where I was born... as was Elvis. blah) just gets me every time. hehe. Monica loses her memory in this episode, and when she asks for an angel, Andrew shows up; I LOOOOVE that! And she's so attached to him in this episode. It's absolutely precious. Okay, I'm going to stop gushing now. I just adore this show so much!


#2: Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman






















Ah, Dr. Quinn, my new love! I remember watching this show, too, with my grandparents when I was a wee one. The thing I specifically remember most about the show from when I was younger is the scene where Michaela gives birth. haha. I don't know what it is about this show that initially attracted me to watch it again this summer, because I ordinarily would never watch something like this. The single fact that it's in the Western genre is alone enough for me to snub my nose at it, but this show is different. I really love the spelling of Michaela's name. If I ever have a child and it's a girl, I want to name her Iliana/Ileana Michaela. I also like the name Quinn, too, though, so maybe Monica Quinn if I ever have a girl after that? Or maybe I should just get a pet and name it Quinn (though I really am considering Monica as a second girl's name). hah. And I have to mention the beauty that is Byron Sully... WOO, is that man gorgeous! Sexy, even. Oh man, oh man.... Oh, and Jane Seymour is extremely beautiful, too. ;D hehe.


#3: The Nanny

















Yes, The Nanny. :) This is another that I remember from when I stayed with my grandparents a lot, but I didn't really get to watch this one back then because they didn't really like it. I do vividly remember seeing/hearing the theme song, though, and that made me really want to watch it. lol. But I really started watching it back in about 2005 or so. I had never sat down and watched it before then (besides as a child, of course, but like I said, I saw it so rarely that I knew nothing about it), but I definitely knew about it, because it came on Lifetime all the time when I was watching The Golden Girls (which is also one of my faves) on that channel. One day, I turned the TV to that channel because The Golden Girls was about to come on, and The Nanny was just about to go off. It was the Thanksgiving episode when Fran is pregnant and is talking about how happy she is to be married to Maxwell and be pregnant with the twins, etc. I didn't really think much of the show at the time, but that night, I had a dream about the show (which I won't get into -- this is long enough already!). That inspired me to watch the show the next day, and I fell in love with it immediately. Probably my favorite thing about the show is Niles and C.C.'s complex love/hate relationship. If you didn't know any better, you'd think they hated each others guts, but deep down, there was love there. Thankfully, they did get together in the end, but sadly, I felt that it was too rushed, and too much was crammed into that last episode. They deserve more than that! Oh well... That's what fanfiction is for, I always say! ;D

Review of The Skin Map by Stephen R. Lawhead

The title, plot summary, and, admittedly, the front cover of The Skin Map is what initially drew me to the book; the suspense, plot execution, and writing style is what kept me reading excitedly all the way through. This is Book 1 of the “Bright Empires” series by Stephen Lawhead, and if the rest of the series is as great as this first book, then this should definitely be an excellent and quite popular series -- one I would love to follow all the way through. The novel follows Kit Livingstone’s mysterious adventures that begin when his great-grandfather appears to him and leads him to other worlds and times on a quest for the Skin Map. At just under 400 pages, this book is somewhat long, but it kept my attention throughout and was never tedious. I found myself not wanting to put the book down until the end, so length was never a problem. I would recommend The Skin Map to anyone interested in the fantasy and/or mystery genre. This will definitely be a book that I am more than happy to suggest to others! I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as a part of their book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.

Oh, Goodness...

Well, we moved my stuff back into the dorm today... It's bittersweet, really. In a way, I'm dreading going back to school, but in a way, I'm ready. This is certainly going to be a busy semester for me. I'm continuing work with the research team, as well as beginning an undergraduate internship at a mental health center for people with intellectual disabilities. To be perfectly honest, the internship frightens me, simply because I've never done anything like it before; I don't at all know what to expect or barely even when or where to go (though we did drive by there today so I would know how to get there, since I've never been). I guess that I always get nervous as new school years begin. I'm sure I'll be fine once I get into the routine of everything. I'll be going back to the dorm Sunday evening, since I start Monday, but my roommate won't be coming back until Monday afternoon, since she only has band and her new student teaching internship on MWFs, and her internship doesn't start until the week after. I hate being there without her, but maybe it'll give me some time to get used to being there in the dorm room again, and I can sit back and read, knit, and watch a few episodes of Touched by an Angel. Ooh, just a few of my favorite things! ;D

Review of "Christian Encounters: Anne Bradstreet"

To be honest, I did not know very much about Anne Bradstreet before reading this biography, except for a little of what I learned about her a few years ago in an English literature class in high school, especially including the wonderful poem “To My Dear and Loving Husband.” I don’t generally read biographies, but this one caught my eye because of my desire to learn more about Bradstreet’s poetry and her Christian lifestyle as a Puritan. The book chronicles Anne and her husband’s move to and experiences in colonial America and Anne’s spiritual and poetic lifestyle. I felt that the author of this biography did a great job of detailing the history of the Puritans’ move from England to the “New World”, though I admittedly sometimes found the historical readings to grow tedious at times, particularly during the first half of the book, and I instead wanted to read more about Anne Bradstreet’s own personal experiences. I also found the writing to be a bit bland and perhaps I would recommend this as being more suited to a middle or high school reading level with research purposes in mind. With that said, however, I did learn a lot about Bradstreet and the Puritan life itself in the few pages of this book, and I do greatly appreciate the “Christian Encounters” viewpoint. I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.

Review of "Same Kind of Different As Me"

From the moment I read the very first page of Same Kind of Different As Me, I knew that I had in my possession a true gem of a book. I was immediately enraptured by the true story of how Denver and Ron's very different lives came together. Denver Moore is a black man raised as a twentieth-century slave to “the Man,” who, after a series of personal tragedies, becomes homeless and in trouble with the law, ultimately leading him to life on the streets in Texas. It is there that Denver meets the wealthy Ron and his wife Deborah Hall, who serve dinner to the homeless on Tuesdays. Deborah sees something special in Denver, despite his rough exterior, and urges her husband to befriend him, which impacts all of their lives far more than any of them could have ever imagined. I am generally turned off from books with changing points of view, but this was definitely the exception. In fact, I found this particular point of view, alternating between Ron's and Denver's, riveting, attention-catching, and never confusing. This book is going on my list of favorites, and I love recommending it to others! I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review program. I was not required to write a positive review; my opinions, therefore, are completely unbiased.

"Mr. Sandman, Bring Me a Dream"

It's almost 3 AM... not that that's not normal for my summer sleeping pattern... and I'm tired and am actually about to go to bed, but I've been searching for knitting yarns and patterns like crazy lately. I received my Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sport yarn (which I'm completely and totally in love with!), in the color Somerset, and size 3 knitting needles in the mail today, so I've been working on making baby booties, which is pretty useless as a personal project, seeing as I don't really know of many, if any, babies (especially female babies, since the yarn has so much pink in it) to knit the booties for! Oh well. I love it anyway. :)

"Good Times & Bum Times, I've Seen Them All & My Dear... I'm Still Here!"

Yes, indeed, I'm still here. I haven't abandoned this blog; I just still haven't had much to write about.

I'm still knitting up a storm. :) I finished the Gryffindor Illusion Scarf a few days ago and am now practicing a few various patterns from Ravelry.

There was an all-day marathon of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman on GMC today! And all of the episodes featured Sully. Gah, that man is so... sexy. And I don't easily classify people as sexy. It must be mostly the hair, though, because Joe Lando himself just doesn't do anything for me. I'm telling you, if Byron Sully were real, I'd be in Colorado Springs in a heartbeat. ;D *purr* Woo. Anyway.... *deep breaths*

My mother came home from the hospital again yesterday. She was diagnosed with leukemia the Thursday before Easter of this year, and this past hospital visit should be her last round of chemotherapy for awhile.

Also, I watched my second favorite movie of all time, Borrowed Hearts, for the billionth time the other day. (For the record, my favorite movie of all time is The Sound of Music.) It's a Thanksgiving/Christmas movie, but I don't care. I think I may even watch it again in the next day or two.

So, maybe next time I'll have something interesting to write here? Yeah, I doubt it too. :)

My First [Short] Ramble

I've had this blog for days now but haven't had much to say to put in an actual first post, so I'll just take this time to ramble a bit about my newest interest. I've been knitting a lot lately since I learned how a little over a week ago. I LOVE knitting. :) I'm seriously like an old lady with as much as I've been knitting and as excited as I get about it. hah. I'm currently knitting a fantastic Gryffindor Illusion Scarf (get the pattern here: http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/features/crafts/knitting/gryffindorillusionscarf-2), and I think I'll knit the Dark Mark Illusion Scarf (http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/features/crafts/knitting/darkmarkillusionscarf) next.